naughtygamers
NTHW Gaming Banner

Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 27242 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #160 on: 06 April 2017, 10:13: PM »
That was ............





crap
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı

Offline SilverSwords

  • [NTHW] Friends and Family
  • *
  • Posts: 229
Re: Jokes
« Reply #161 on: 08 April 2017, 06:21: PM »
The greatest joke of all, my current and future life

Offline Ramrod

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 5,414
  • Full time again :(
Re: Jokes
« Reply #162 on: 08 April 2017, 09:06: PM »
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An Investigator.......  :D
Step by step, walk the thousand mile road...

Offline SilverSwords

  • [NTHW] Friends and Family
  • *
  • Posts: 229
Re: Jokes
« Reply #163 on: 08 April 2017, 09:42: PM »
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An Investigator.......  :D
We get it, we all saw your terrible facebook post

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #164 on: 25 April 2017, 11:51: AM »
The Police have found a large number of dead crows on the A1081 just outside Harpenden early this morning.

There was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.

The investigators then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı

Offline bopdude

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,145
  • Too old for this shit
Re: Jokes
« Reply #165 on: 25 April 2017, 12:07: PM »
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  :D

Offline Ramrod

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 5,414
  • Full time again :(
Re: Jokes
« Reply #166 on: 28 March 2018, 09:47: PM »
Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.
Step by step, walk the thousand mile road...

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #167 on: 06 March 2019, 11:07: AM »
Did you hear the one about the Magic Tractor?
It went down the lane and turned into a field...
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #168 on: 10 March 2019, 10:27: AM »
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£1,500!" she cried,"£1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £1,500."
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #169 on: 20 March 2019, 10:56: AM »
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #170 on: 10 April 2019, 02:04: PM »
Local police are investigating a serious assault on a man last night who was beaten about the head with a power drill.
When interviewed the victim said “I was just walking along the street minding my own business and the next thing I knew, Bosch”
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı

Offline bopdude

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,145
  • Too old for this shit
Re: Jokes
« Reply #171 on: 10 April 2019, 02:22: PM »
They can't get much worse, can they ;D

Offline Gottu

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 355
Re: Jokes
« Reply #172 on: 10 April 2019, 05:51: PM »
This morning I got out of bed to look out the window see what the weather was like.
I saw a guy in a black hooded robe trying to clear the frost off the car with a scythe, so I thought I would do the neighbourly thing and go out and help him.

I was just going out of the door when the wife grabbed me and shouted “ Stop! you are de icing with death”.

Offline bopdude

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,145
  • Too old for this shit
Re: Jokes
« Reply #173 on: 10 April 2019, 06:52: PM »
They can't get much worse, can they ;D

I was wrong ;)

Offline Gottu

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 355
Re: Jokes
« Reply #174 on: 10 April 2019, 09:31: PM »
ahem.......

I started watching a documentary last week about a man who works 7 days a week crushing cans of coke.

I had to switch it off though, it was soda pressing!

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #175 on: 10 April 2019, 10:07: PM »
Gottu wins :td:  :P
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı

Offline Ramrod

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 5,414
  • Full time again :(
Re: Jokes
« Reply #176 on: 10 April 2019, 10:23: PM »
Fuck......... :sorry:
Step by step, walk the thousand mile road...

Offline bopdude

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,145
  • Too old for this shit
Re: Jokes
« Reply #177 on: 11 April 2019, 08:20: AM »
And we have a NEW NTHW low :D ;)

Offline Gottu

  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 355
Re: Jokes
« Reply #178 on: 11 April 2019, 06:13: PM »
When I was young I was a huge fan of farm machinery. Nowadays I can't stand them.

Yes folks it's true....I'm an EX TRACTOR FAN !

Offline MovedGoalPosts

  • Kannon Fodda
  • [NTHW] Clan
  • *
  • Posts: 3,606
    • Ember Big Band
Re: Jokes
« Reply #179 on: 11 April 2019, 07:19: PM »
I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...


I don't know why.
uıɐbɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ buıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ,ı